Most memorable?

Hi there. Whole lot things happen these past few months, and the most memorable ones are MAP's moments. The best one I had as its probably will be my last time becoming an LO.

I found it really thrilling and challenging to meet and handle new generation of people as they are brilliants. They have their own perspectives on orientation which is different from mine. Nevertheless I had so much fun working together with a bunch of awesome people. Despite not becoming overall champion I still proud with my colleagues and all the juniors for their spirit.

I'm definitely going to miss those moments :'D

Anyway, new semester begin, classes started and I haven't paid part of the subject fees. No more scholarship so money is going to be problem. This semester, I'll be taking 22 hours credit. Whether I'm desperately want to graduate this year or I'm just plain crazy, this semester is going back to basic. All I have to do is study like crazy and get 3 pointer and above. Aminn...

Guess I have nothing else to share so ending up this post with picture of me and these awesome peoples.

could it be?

Hi! again.
Blogging from a friend's hostel. Yes, it's been holiday for weeks now, but here I am in UNIMAS. I guess it doesn't matter where it is, as long as I get to hang out with my friends. Living at home sometimes drive me crazy. I rarely talk with my family. Yeah we always gather around during dinner and talk about stuff, but most of the time I just listen to them. Then, back to room doing nothing. I'm a bit reserved at home, the only time I opened myself up to others are only when I'm with friends. I don't know how it turns out like, but that's pretty much how I roll. Weekend is pretty much a getaway for me so I can't go sleepover and hang out and most importantly, talk then others would listen to my story without degrading me or anything like that.

Anyway it's been fun this weekend, my friend came all the way from Bintulu just to meet us. Though we didn't go to Rainfest, well, we had fun in our own way. =) Watched The Amazing Spiderman which is totally amazing. At first, kinda worried because my other friend said it was boring.. hmm, maybe superhero movies are ain't her thing. We also just strolling around the malls, do what girls always do, shopping. Window shopping to be exact because I'm broke now, so can't buy those gorgeous heels. It's been a while since the last heel I bought.

Later in the morning will go for a little trip to Simunjan to visit my grandparents. I honestly have any feeling about the trip. I'm not that excited, but not that frustrated either. So I guess I'll just go with the flow. My dad told me that we'll leaving on 9 am, but my dad never been punctual on anything. Still I have to wake up early to drive back to home.

This blog post is totally unnecessary at all. There is no purpose writing this, but I just feel to write anything.

#masakecildulu

So... it's been a while. Busy with life is not the excuses this time around, it's just I don't really feel to write down my feelings anymore or share it with anyone. I rather keep it in myself. Anyway, I do miss blogging. Writing all stupid rants, letting other knows life in my perspective.. and one twitter post just have 150 characters, so it ends me hovering people's timeline with ranting and being emo. hahaha..

ok move on with an interesting hashtag from twitter: #masakecildulu
To be honest, I don't really have that exciting childhood. Most of the time, I study literally days and nights to keep the good grades. I don't go to sleepover, I don't really have many friends anyway. Since I have asthma, my play time restricted to spending time reading books in library or jalan2 at playground watching other kids having fun. Sounds depressing eh, but truly for me it didn't. Reading books is one way for me to escape from reality, so it's fun for me. And when I was a kid, I'm really introvert. I'm socially awkward even with my classmates, probably because I spent time reading books more than talking to friends.

I wasn't really girly to begin with, but not as boyish and rough as I am right now. I wore gowns and skirts on daily basis. From time to time, I changed from being shy and quiet to this rough girl. I have more boy friends than girls, I started to play sports, I learned boxing (O.O"), I don't wear dresses or skirts on regular basis, I have tons of t-shirts and jeans, I cut my hair short most of the time (when I was a kid, my hair is pretty long) and I act like a boy more than a refined girl should act. =.="

Honestly, I don't really quite sure what changed me. Maybe it comes naturally. One thing for sure, no matter how rough I look outside, I'm still a girl inside. I'm sensitive, I have mood swings, I'm a crybaby, what else, I screamed like a girl, I always have a lot of things in my mind and when I say it's nothing it probably means a lot of thing. And one critical thing, I like guys. Since I have a lot of guy friends, sometimes I did have a crush on them but I quickly brush it off. I really don't know why people around me being curious on my sexuality. Tons of girl out there are boyish and have a short hair and not all of them like girls. At first I was offended when they questioning it, but now I just answered it nonchalantly even make a jokes out of it.

Anyway, for this 22 years of my life, I changed a lot basically to fit in myself in certain environment and mostly to make myself somehow belong to this world.

This is me. hahaha. Just kidding, this is SobiSobi, the pet hamster.

This is me. Really.

life updates.

hi. I'm still alive. okthxbai.


hahaha. gosh. now dah dekat hujung bulan March. I'm so lazy. pfft. Well, it's been lazy times these few months. Plus I don't know la, lots of things happen, I can't quite catch up too let alone to share it to people. The last post I thought about telling bout the trips, but since it has been months after the trip, macam xda mood plak nak tulis. anyway these are my life updates so far:

• I am officially my family's driver. So it's kinda sucks because there are times when I just don't want to move anywhere and stays in my bed, but then mom ask this or that, or my sister want to go to Spring to shop. 
• I also officially not going to graduate this year. Yes. I'm extending two more years. With all nosy cousins and relatives keep asking for reason, it's pretty intimidating. And yes I'm pretty upset about it too. Well who's not, right? No one ever plans to extend their study. My friends are going to grad this year and I'll just there to congratulate them, it sounds pretty pathetic and sad. What to do~ What's done is done..
• Anyway, I have found my passion. Firstly, I agree that engineering is not my passion. I've been struggling  really to ensure that I'm not fail terribly which sometimes I do. And this semester, I've pretty much figured out what I'd love to do if I want to keep being in engineering field in future. I think I am moving toward soil mechanics and engineering. I don't know if it was because FYP related with soils but I found it really interesting to study about it. And I am more to the soil dynamics. I'll guess 90% is because I took that subject as my elective course, and Prof Kaniraj really good at teaching us that. What I love about soil mechanics is it's so unpredictable. There is no definite pattern or characteristic. Yes, the assumptions are based on ideal condition but earth is not ideal. Different things happen in different places. It's so mysterious that keeps me want to know more and more. I can talk about soil for hours and be amuse about that at the same time. hahaha. Somehow I can see where I'm headed. I make plans for me. I even have a thought about sambung Master for this. 
• I notice that when I'm being a bias, it's really shown. My other subject note books have unrelated doodles here and there, but in my Soil Dynamic notebooks I write all the important notes. I even did all the exercises and tutorials. I have this post-it-notes here and there emphasize the details and what not. I'm so bias. hahahaha!
• I've started to watch National Geographic! wow~ before I never really open that channel. But these days the shows are really interesting
• I'm a fan of reality shows. So 80% of shows that I've watched are reality show. SYTYCD, American Idol, The Voice, KPOP Stars and so on.. In SYTYCD, I love Melanie and Marko, and yes I do know Melanie won this season. Yay! In American Idol, I've yet to be fan of anyone. In The Voice, I'm a fan of lot of contestants. Lindsay Pavao is #1, #2 is Mathai (I love her version of 'Rumor Has It'), and the third is Pip because he is so adorable! oh. I forgot. I love Charlotte Sometimes and Juliet Simms too. I've been fan of both artists even before they joining The Voice. In Kpop Star, I love Lee Ha Yi with her soulful voice. And from this show I've got to know a lot really good songs and singers. For example a few Korean ballads, which are actually really awesome and menyayat hati. And also I found Rachael Yamagata which has a lot of beautiful songs. 
• What else? hmmm.. I've lose some weight the other week that gained some on the next. But I gain more than I lose so... Sigh.. I am conscious about my weight yet I didn't really try to lose it down. I still eat a lot, I don't exercise. Haiseh so unhealthy...
• These few weeks has been really stressful. It was a busy week but I grew accustomed to it, so less stress about it. But somehow I felt down most of the times. Maybe because I don't get enough rest or sleep or social interaction perhaps. I was emo-ish the whole week sampaikan I secluded myself from others. I want to share it to my best friends but I don't really know how to explain it to them. It just like clutters in my head that no one would understand. Sometimes I tried to write my thoughts and post it in my FB or twitter or here but then I deleted it. Saying something like 'feels like my life doesn't feel worthy anymore and I just want it to be over' sure will raise some concerns to other people especially those who are close to me. Even me, myself thought it sounds like suicidal and I don't mean in that way.. After a few days, I pull myself together and get through the day. Enjoy what I can. I feel better now, not that emo-ish anymore. It's probably due to some hormonal imbalance makes me feel that way.

I'm out of ideas. But actually there are really lots of things going in my life right now and I am really busy trying to balance it out. Nevertheless, I'm happy to know that I found something that I'll love. Maybe next time I'll found SOMEONE to love. hehehehe. :D

Pictures

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/blue-hour-photography-around-the-world

this was tweeted by my friend, Mellvyn. It was awesome, inspiring, breathtaking views. As a person who let say, do not really sleep a lot, I always, watched this moment. I mean the twilight. I sat by the window or sometimes hanging out at the balcony watching the dark blue sky turns bright. Whenever I didn't sleep I always take my time and watch this. It was magnificent to watch with my own eyes and it would be nice if I could capture it like what this blog shown.  This blog makes me feel to have a camera. Even I'm not a trained or skilled photographer, I just want to take the pictures. It would be awesome to have a DSLR camera, cause it helps to capture a better picture, but I'm fine to have a digital camera. As long as I know how to take photograph properly. hehehhehehe :D

Okay. That's enough of berangan. This week is the last week of the year as well as our study week. Bummers. I just got back from Port Dickson three days ago, I haven't edited the pictures and I am so lazy to edit it. We were too busy with jams and shoppings, we just taken few shots. hahaha. Anyway, next post will be about the trip, plus the pictures. :) it's been a while to type a long post with pictures. hehehehe

officially busy

It's the typical last two weeks before study week. All things we've learned are applied and compiled in one or two projects... assignments, quizzes.. It's really common among students. However this time around it's different kind of busy. The projects are more complicated and demanding high level of skills. Lots and lots of sleepless nights yet works seems never finish.. sigh. A bit exaggerating, eh? but truly, it's been a while I have a good rest. But I endure all that because I already determined to try the hardest this semester. Semester one of my fourth year is gonna end soon, and I really,really, really want that dean list.

People says grade does not measure intelligence. Yeah, it's true. Nevertheless I still want it.I've gone through a lot of failures along the way.. so, at least I did achieve once. To ease my own heart. Anyway, I just went back from watching Puss in the Boots. Awesomeness! mashing it up with Humpty Dumpty and Jack and the Beanstalk is totally a brilliant idea. hehehe.

And later morning I'll have to go to some visit at museums and SCV. hopefully things go great later.. Shall back to my report. so til the next time....

Follow your instinct

I think around 30 minutes ago, I washed my face, brushed my teeth and prepared the bed. Switched the light off and set the alarm. Lie down on the bed and ready to sleep. But as I lied down, guilty rushes in. The works that I've abandoned. Somehow I felt guilty to sleep. Then in a split moment I decided to just wake up rather than goleng2 atas katil trying to sleep when I know I can't. At the end, here I am buka buku steel and try to finish at least part of my works. Sigh. I am overwhelm by the works that made me felt guilty even to sleep. =.=

Moral of the story: As human being I guess I do have some kind of instinct in making a right decision.
p/s: i've becoming more on more workaholics day by day.