Happy, Money, and Cats

I think because it's holiday, I got to post a lot of my thoughts whenever I want. The thing is this holiday felt so.. abrupt. Well, I do know that my holiday started this week, but usually I planned things to do during holiday. This time, I don't. One day, the exam was over, then I don't know what to do. I get lost I guess. My friends are busy with their researches so I don't feel like to bug them too much. So I guess I have a lot of time to let my thoughts wander. When it happens I have to write it down because I don't like feeling overthinking of something and let it scattered my brain. Plus, nothing interesting on tv lately (or I don't watch tv a lot).

Today is already 16th of January, so I don't felt like sharing my feeling on the end of last year and what happens on the New Year. As usual though I get to go to KL again last Christmas. It was awesome except the fact that I lost my ID card, and I spent one whole day buat IC baru because I need to use it to get back home =.=". What make this 2013 different, is probably my resolution. Last year, my resolutions was pretty general. To love more, to live more and be happy. And I was. I accomplished that. Not really shown in my face but I think I'm contented with my life right now. Sure, there are bad days, and hardships but what life without challenges, right? In one way, that resolution what kept my feet on the grounds and Alhamdulillah I stayed sane.

This year though, I'm keeping the same resolution with some extra. I'v read it somewhere before on how to keep a resolution is to be more specific. So I've thought hard to specified what I want for this year.

This is my 2013 Resolutions:

1. Graduate. I was bitter throughout October 2012 because I didn't graduate on time. It was my fault, so it felt hard because I can't blamed anybody but me. So I'll ensure that I graduate this year. Whatever it takes. I'll go to re-test if I have to. I've wanted to graduate this year so much that I can bear to think the alternative.
2. Embrace myself. I'm always self-conscious. About my weight, my face, my skin color. It sometimes affect me a lot. I'm 22 now, going to 23 this year, I need to start to take care of my life. I don't think being thin and pretty is important, but I'd like if I can keep being healthy. Changing habits are hard, so baby steps one at a time. Get exercise regularly, do give attention of what I eat and so forth. I might not lose any weight, but if I can kept myself from any sickness this year, that will be awesome.
3. Save money. I 'm very impulsive on this matter. Sometimes I can hold my urge on shopping, sometimes I don't. I just bought it without any second thoughts. It's dangerous for me at this point. I don't have scholarship anymore. I don't take PTPTN loan. My savings, I think, is enough to pay for the next semester's fee, but as any normal young adults, I like to go out a lot. And my mom starts talking about get a job. =.=" and I owed my mom a lot. So I really need to sort out priorities when it comes on spending the money.
4. Filled the Jar of Happiness. Yes, I have a jar of happiness. It's not really a jar though. I've read it my friend's facebook about the idea of putting your happy events in a jar and by the end of the year, you got to read it. It's pretty awesome idea. So, besides blog, I have one more place to put my happy thoughts. And I think it cools that if I had a bad day, I can take a look at it to remind myself that I am happy and those bad days are not a big deals, because I know I can be happy. Cool, kan?
5. Watch a movie alone. By that, I mean, go to MBO or any other cinema, pick a movie and watched it by myself. I never have guts to do that. I guess I am pretty insecure to have fun on my own. I want to be more confident about myself, so that's one fun way to do so. :D
6. Go for a trip with friends. We've been talking about this for a while. We all have experiences going for trips with family but not on our own. I think it would be awesome, because we got to plan it our own, with our own budget. I hope it happening soon though.

I think that's all. It's more like what I want to do in this year. I love resolutions because it gave me sense of purposes :D So I really hope that I can fulfill all of it.

random story: A stray cat somehow got inside my home. When I've heard the noises I thought it was robbers. My heart literally skips a beat. T_T I don't really scared of cats, but I think started to develop the phobia on them. 

What I've missed

I got bored. so I wrote this.

Things that I think I missed the most:

1. Tonnes of sleepover. either it was in my dorm or my friend's, we always have sleepover during Friday and weekend nights and make our own party. :) Watch movies is a must. then play games. 'Hack' each others fb. Have a deep talk. Shallow talk too. Go for late brunches and watch movies again. Happy times, indeed.
2. No curfew. Living in college gives me a freedom of making own decision. I don't have curfew. So we can go out for a drive at 1 am and no one cares. We're not going to wild parties or do extremely dangerous things. Sometimes we just drive along that empty road and have fun watching the nights.
3. Study group. Since we basically live in the same college, we can plan study group anytime and anywhere we want. 
4. Basketball and Dancing. These two activities are what my friends and I do a lot, so not having them here, kinda sucks.
5. Go for college events. I don't live in college now, so I don't have reasons to attend it. Plus, it always held on nights and I have curfews so yes, it sucks. No formal dinners. :(
6. Packing and Going Home. well, I never liked packing. I still don't like it. yet I miss packing, and be whiny about it. Scavenging boxes in Desa Ilmu, carrying the boxes from my room to the store was hell, but again when with friends anything can be fun. And I always go back a few days after the last paper because we always planned some kind of end-of-semester celebration. We've made it special by dressing up and really let go of the stresses. Up all night, then go back to our hometown on the next day. My hometown now is Kuching, so it wasn't really as excited as riding bus for 7 freaking hours to Sibu with all those luggage. hahaha. :D

I miss my friends. A lot. We're contacting each other now and then, but I do miss them. I miss the time that we had in university. This semester is harder because, this is the first time that I went into classes alone. They all graduated, so I was here alone. I took it pretty hard, I guess. This final exam week was even harder. I used to have advantages studying with them but now I do feel like I am on my own. Each of us have our own role in handling stresses together and I always feel that I was strong getting through that four years because I always knew they are there. Truth to be told, I was scared for this semester. I was scared that I can't hold on. They knew that, and still be there for me. Not literally but I know they are and I always thankful for that.

Well, I guess life goes on and don't wait for anyone. Things change and I have to adapt with it. Still, I miss my friends. 

Charlie and Wendy. and Emma Roberts.

I love reading. so much. I read pretty much anything. From books, to blogposts, even notices on the notice board. I just like reading. It gave me some kind of peace which I have no idea how to describe. Hence I have a lot magazines, and novels, and newspapers. Not to mention hours spending in front of my laptop reading funny stories I get from internet. Reading gives me different perspective in viewing things in my life.

Enough of gloating, 20 minutes ago, I've done reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower. What took me 20 minutes to write this down? My broadband is slow tonight because it almost reaching its usage limits now, and I just my finished my dinner. Well, to be honest it was okay. Or maybe because I was really hungry while reading and my mom called me twice while I'm reading it, I get distracted. So, I don't really tapping myself into the story. Or. this novel is from a teenager's perspective on what he's going through at the time. And I'm not a teenager anymore. As much as I hated to admit it, it is true. I'm not saying that I'm grown up already, but I think I've been through what this Charlie had been, and now my perspective might has changed a little bit. 

Thankfully, I haven't watch the movie, so it gives my brain a freedom of imagination. Unfortunately, I happen to know the actors that cast for the characters and for some reason I kept portraying how the actors trying to act the characters. Well, maybe I should go re-read it again, then watch the movie and re-read it again. See if my perspective of this novel would change. Overall, I still think the way it's written is brilliant. It's from the Charlie (main character) POV and he describes his complicated thoughts brilliantly. The complicated feeling that I get from this novel is pretty similar with the movie that I watched a while ago It' Kind of a Funny Story starred by Emma Roberts. Not so much of a review, eh?

Anyway, talking about novels, I want to share an awesome trilogies that my friends and I were so excited about. It's Trylle novel series by Amanda Hocking. It started with Switched, then Torn, then the final is ascend. I bought Switched and thought it was awesome because most Fantasy novels these days are more into witches, werewolves and vampires (duh..) but this one is about troll. Then Wan give me Torn as my birthday gift and it is getting even better. Finally she bought Ascend which is the final installment of the series. I haven't read it since I don't want to distract my focus for my final exam. Now that holiday started, maybe I should borrow it after I finished re-reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower. 

random: my life is fine. It's not fair sometimes but it's fine. I figured that everyone has problems so I just sort of wing it.

Grammar Nazi

I don't think I'm good enough to be that. However it does upsets me so much when people keep using wrong word for the sentences. When I mentioned people here, that includes me too as well. I'm not good in English. Back then I was so embarrassed on my lack of communication skills I avoid speaking in English. Then, comes MUET. That's when I learned to improve my English. So now, I guess I am more confident than before. How did I did it? I learned a lot. I practiced a lot. I made a lot of mistakes before, so I learned  from my mistake. So it does upsets me when other people don't have the effort to improve themselves in language. Whatever language it is. Whenever others correcting them, they are offended with that and called them names. Grammar Nazis.. etc...  Sigh.

Well, I just ranting about that because nowadays people taking it for granted. Language is important. It is the vital tool for communication. If it was not being used properly, the message send would not be interpret properly either. Not that we have to talk in formal language all the time, I'm not. I used 'rojak' language every time. But when it comes to formal or official occasion, it helps a lot if we know how to convey the context of the message properly. :)

Love is??

"In tennis, love is zero. No matter how many zeroes you'll add, you still lose miserably."
"Love is zero, eh? That's right. Love is "zero". Zero is the beginning, the start. Love is Zero as we depart from there and evolves. So Love is zero!"

-Detective  Conan ep 20-

I love romance bits in this anime. It always makes me teary-eyed for some reason :D

Journal.

I always have idea what to write. But I don't really write that much in this blog. It just scripted at the back of my mind. It happens when I'm walking or in the middle of something. I saw things, or hear things, or whatever event happened, I always throw my own opinion and commentary based on my perspective. Of course it only happens in my mind. When I'm sit in front of my laptop, ready to write, nothing comes out. Maybe I'm just not a word person. Like right now. To be honest, there are tonnes of things scattered in my brain right now, I just don't know how to express it in words. 

So that's where the thought of journal came. I thought I should have a journal. A daily journal where I can put down whatever in my mind right at that moment. I never have a diary or journal before. So it might be awesome to have one..  Maybe I'll start to have one this year. Maybe not. Who knows. 

Is anyone keeping their diary these days? I have a very conservative idea,eh? hahaha. Well, November is coming. I'm excited and terrified at the same time to make some changes in my life. Here comes 22! :D

the one that got away

do u ever have this one in your life? because I think I do.
It starts with..  I know this guy. from a friend of mine. We met and we dated each other for a while. Until one point, for some reason, I made a choice and walk away. I guess I was young back then, thus I don't understand much on love. Not that I'm totally understand about it, but I learned a lot these past few years.

I guess, maybe  that kind of guy is the one I'm looking for. He knows me. Simple things about me. What I like, what I don't like, even the things that I'm not aware doing it. One thing I learned from knowing him is to appreciate little things happen around you. To enjoy life a little more. Because the most unforgettable memories about him were the spontaneous, unplanned, simple things we do together. :D

Well, next time, for the next guy, I shall learn how to commit myself, to share, and to be more open up to others. Be more accepting other. Little details sometimes matter the most.  He might be the one that got away, but if I met someone like him, I'll stay.