Decision of a life time

you know there are times when you have to decide on your own about your life. It matters so much for your own life, future, happiness..

It takes for me three years to notice it. Two and a half actually. And it takes me one whole year to think about it. What is it?

I'm already in the third year and you know what I realized? I study just for the sake of exam. Then I failed. Seriously. Where's the fun? I've changed. sigh. Years before I am totally not like this. Before I always thinking learning is fun. YES. Studying can be fun ONLY when we really enjoyed it. The thrill, the amusement of knowing something new. New things always fascinate me but since I'm in university I studied. But just enough to get me pass. Which is often I failed. I can't get through it. I don't understand a thing! Then I remembered back in the days how much I love physics. I remembered how I never study last minute before. How I can watch whole series of One Litre of Tears the night before exam yet I still score an A. It was because I learned the whole time. And that's when I realized I was focusing way too much on getting that piece of paper of degree and forgetting how much fun I was when I really put my efforts on studying sincerely. The intention of studying was got off track and that's why I never felt happy those years.

Sounds a bit nerd, eh?

And yet I still fail a lot of subjects. Too many subjects to be repeated. Sigh. That's when I start to think to extend my years here. I know my parents definitely opposing this idea but I have been thinking about this for one whole year. So its totally tough decision I made here. I can make through for four year but that will consist of full credit hour taken for every semester left and all I care then is just to get pass. While I have my time left now I just want to have fun studying. I created the mess at the first place so I guess it is my responsibility to fix it back. And I don't want to finish this degree with unhappy face.

Its absolutely a decision of a life time. So hard to make one. I guess this is one of the things that grown-ups need to do.. huhuhu