Sunday, July 15, 2012

could it be?

Hi! again.
Blogging from a friend's hostel. Yes, it's been holiday for weeks now, but here I am in UNIMAS. I guess it doesn't matter where it is, as long as I get to hang out with my friends. Living at home sometimes drive me crazy. I rarely talk with my family. Yeah we always gather around during dinner and talk about stuff, but most of the time I just listen to them. Then, back to room doing nothing. I'm a bit reserved at home, the only time I opened myself up to others are only when I'm with friends. I don't know how it turns out like, but that's pretty much how I roll. Weekend is pretty much a getaway for me so I can't go sleepover and hang out and most importantly, talk then others would listen to my story without degrading me or anything like that.

Anyway it's been fun this weekend, my friend came all the way from Bintulu just to meet us. Though we didn't go to Rainfest, well, we had fun in our own way. =) Watched The Amazing Spiderman which is totally amazing. At first, kinda worried because my other friend said it was boring.. hmm, maybe superhero movies are ain't her thing. We also just strolling around the malls, do what girls always do, shopping. Window shopping to be exact because I'm broke now, so can't buy those gorgeous heels. It's been a while since the last heel I bought.

Later in the morning will go for a little trip to Simunjan to visit my grandparents. I honestly have any feeling about the trip. I'm not that excited, but not that frustrated either. So I guess I'll just go with the flow. My dad told me that we'll leaving on 9 am, but my dad never been punctual on anything. Still I have to wake up early to drive back to home.

This blog post is totally unnecessary at all. There is no purpose writing this, but I just feel to write anything.

Saturday, July 7, 2012


So... it's been a while. Busy with life is not the excuses this time around, it's just I don't really feel to write down my feelings anymore or share it with anyone. I rather keep it in myself. Anyway, I do miss blogging. Writing all stupid rants, letting other knows life in my perspective.. and one twitter post just have 150 characters, so it ends me hovering people's timeline with ranting and being emo. hahaha..

ok move on with an interesting hashtag from twitter: #masakecildulu
To be honest, I don't really have that exciting childhood. Most of the time, I study literally days and nights to keep the good grades. I don't go to sleepover, I don't really have many friends anyway. Since I have asthma, my play time restricted to spending time reading books in library or jalan2 at playground watching other kids having fun. Sounds depressing eh, but truly for me it didn't. Reading books is one way for me to escape from reality, so it's fun for me. And when I was a kid, I'm really introvert. I'm socially awkward even with my classmates, probably because I spent time reading books more than talking to friends.

I wasn't really girly to begin with, but not as boyish and rough as I am right now. I wore gowns and skirts on daily basis. From time to time, I changed from being shy and quiet to this rough girl. I have more boy friends than girls, I started to play sports, I learned boxing (O.O"), I don't wear dresses or skirts on regular basis, I have tons of t-shirts and jeans, I cut my hair short most of the time (when I was a kid, my hair is pretty long) and I act like a boy more than a refined girl should act. =.="

Honestly, I don't really quite sure what changed me. Maybe it comes naturally. One thing for sure, no matter how rough I look outside, I'm still a girl inside. I'm sensitive, I have mood swings, I'm a crybaby, what else, I screamed like a girl, I always have a lot of things in my mind and when I say it's nothing it probably means a lot of thing. And one critical thing, I like guys. Since I have a lot of guy friends, sometimes I did have a crush on them but I quickly brush it off. I really don't know why people around me being curious on my sexuality. Tons of girl out there are boyish and have a short hair and not all of them like girls. At first I was offended when they questioning it, but now I just answered it nonchalantly even make a jokes out of it.

Anyway, for this 22 years of my life, I changed a lot basically to fit in myself in certain environment and mostly to make myself somehow belong to this world.
This is me. hahaha. Just kidding, this is SobiSobi, the pet hamster.

This is me. Really.