Sad is my thing.

note: I wrote this draft this early morning because I can't sleep

First of all, I write this post because I can’t sleep. My biological clock decide to rebel on me, I guess. Anyway, I’m not doing anything much these days. So the only thing that kept me busy is books. Last week I finished reading two novels, both of them are teen-fiction (which is my favorite genre) and I decide to spill my insight of these two books.

    

Both were equally good, equally sad.

I started to read If I Stay because rumor has it that the book is going to be adapted into movie. It’s a pretty straight-forward book. When I first started I was shocked how fast things happened in the book, but after further reading, I understand why. There are lots of sad moments. I fell in love with the bond that all the characters had, I wish I have things like that in my real life. This book certainly makes me think for a while of how many things in life that I took for granted, and how selfish I can be. Aaaanyway, I can’t help to wait for the movie if it’s coming out, so I can cry and be reminded again of those life lessons. :D

Eleanor & Park was randomly chosen. I was bored so one day, I just browse any interesting e-book to be downloaded, found this and download it right away. In a nutshell, it’s about being young and first love which I totally can relate since I am young. Not high school young but still can relate with it. It reminds me of Toradora (Toradora is an anime series. If you ever watched it and you read this book, you’ll probably understand what I’m feeling). It has different plotline and setting of course.

There are two things that I love about this book. Firstly, the story is set on 1986. Mixtape, postcards, The Smiths, Marvel Comics. What’s not to love? Another thing would be the portrayal of the character. It is so humanely accurate (I’m not even sure if this phrase makes sense). It felt so real and convincing. Eleanor’s life is definitely miserable that there are few times I had to stop reading because the helpless feeling is unbearable.

So that’s that.  I think maybe I should start reading The Fault in Our Stars too.

keep calm and keep writing

I want to write a lot of things, but I have no idea what to write, so I copied these questions and answer it

1. What was the highlight of your week?

//final exam. I am totally mentally exhausted.

2. Whose car were you in last?

//my sister's. Which most of the time, I'm the one who drive. 

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?

//no idea. I never planned anything like this. hahahaha

4. What color shirt are you wearing?

//green-ish grey. 

5. How long is your hair?

//short. 

6. Are you good looking?

//yes. I think. 

7. Last movie you watched?

//Children who chase lost voices from deep below. It has Japan title but I don't know how to spell it. It's an Japan Anime film. It's an emotional movie.

8. Who were you with?

//while watching the movie? alone. 

9. Last thing you ate?

//double cheese burger.

10. Last thing you drank?

//mineral water. because it's freaking hot today

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?

//couple years ago. I think.

12. Who came over last?

//hmmmm..... somehow I don't understand this question. 0.0. Someone, please enlighten me.

13. Are you happy right now?

//i think so. I try live happily every now and then.

14. What did you say last?

//"mmm." *nodding head* I was agreeing to something.

15. Where is your phone?

//in my bag.

16. What color are your eyes?

//pitch black. 

17. Are you left-handed?

//nope. I am right-handed, but I can use my left hand pretty well too.

18. Spell your name without vowels:

//thy?

19. Do you have any pets?

//nope. I don't feel like to have one, anyway.

20. Favorite Vacation?

//hmmm.. any vacation I have with my friends.

21. What do you dislike currently?

//annoying people. 

22. What are you listening to?

//commercial breaks from tv. I just listen to it rather than watching it.

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

//a boyfriend. eh, it's not a thing. well, my own car, my own place.

24. What is your favorite scent?

//ocean. or after rain

25. Who makes you happiest?

//my friends. rayyan. 

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?

//watching anime I think

27. When is your birthday?

//November 9th.

28. Who has the same phone as you?

//I've no idea. I guess people more into Iphone or Samsung, so I haven't found someone use the same phone as me. yet.

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?

//wow. It's been a while. Let's see, it was around the time that everyone busy with fyp reports. So May 2012?

30. Do you read your horoscope?

//seldom. If I came across to it, I will read it.

31. Where was the last place you bought something?

//Green Shop. I bought Pringles and a can of Nescafe Mocha.

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?

//It's fine. I keep it growing for now.

33. Do you bite your nails?

//Usually not.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?

// No. I'm a student. and I'm broke

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?

//same as above.

36. Myspace or facebook?

//Facebook. Is Myspace still exist?

37. How fast have you driven a car?

//100 something km/hr. But I usually drive slow.

38. Have you ever smoked?

//Yes. I was. Being experimental, they said. pfft.

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?

//art. hahaha. I always anticipating art class.

40. Do you have Verizon?

//I don't think so. What is Verizon anyway?

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?

//someone who work hard for his dream. who can knows me well. Truthfully I don't have any ideals. Heart wants what the heart wants. So, it's hard to say specifically.

42. Do you have any hidden talents?

//hmmm. no. Or maybe I haven't figured it out yet.

43. Favorite Song?

//Madness. by Muse. or Still into You. by Paramore.

44. Do you like to sing at all?

//yes, despite having no talent at all.

45. Dream Job?

//Saving the world. hahahaha.

46. Where does most of your family live?

//sarawak..

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?

//I do have siblings.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

//maybe. 

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?

//where's my phone?

50. Do you drink?

//yes. it's a human need after all.

51. Know any other languages?

//I do. I know a little bit of French, Japanese and also German. I'm not sure if I can converse it well though.

52. Ever write a coded message?

//sarcastic yes, but coded no. I'm not that creative to put up something like that.

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?

//do you mean married? no. I don't. but if you mean have I go to other people's weddings, yes.

54. Do you have any children?

//nope...I'm still too young to be a mother.

55. Did you take a nap today?

//No. It's a long day to me.

56. Who has the same birthday as you?

//a senior and a junior(which is the same age as me) in my secondary school. my own friend, Biya.

57. Ever met anyone famous before?

//yes I have.

58. Do you want to be famous one day?

//No. I don't. I don't think I like to be in the limelight.

59. Any Pet Peeves?

//hmmm.. a lot though.

60. Are you multitasking right now?

//nope.. not on this moment.

61. Do you like Britany Spears?

//Britany? do u mean britney? I do like her. I was a fan of her, but not so much now. 

62. What is your least favorite chore?

//laundry. hahahahah

63. Last place you drove your car?

//airport.

64. Ever been out of the country?

//no. sadly.

65. Where were you born?

//miri, sarawak

66. Could you handle being in the military?

//I don't think so. I'm not fit for hardcore tough activities like that.

67. What is your average cell phone bill?

//I don't know. Sometimes, I can last rm30 for few months, and sometimes I can finished Rm30 in a week

68. Who are you thinking about right now?

//No one in particular.

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?

//yesterday. During hangout with my friends.

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

//now I think I only have around 6-7 pair of shoes. I wasn't much of a collector.

71. Are your toes always painted?

//nope..

72. How many piercings do you have?

//now.. 3. 

73. What are you doing today?

//like my previous post, waiting.

74. Have you ever been gambling?

//never.

75. When is the last time you updated your page?

//Blogger page? I'm updating it currently. Facebook, twitter and instagram are updated regularly. 

76. Do you like rollercoasters?

//i want to ride it!!! I never get the chance though.

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?

//not yet.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?

//A lot. Mirajane Strauss from Fairy Tail because she is freaking badass.

79. Last thing you cooked?

//grill fish?

80. How's the weather?

//terrible. It's hazy these few days, so it is hot all day long.

81. Do you e-mail?

//when needed..

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?

//drop it. the screen cracked. stupid.

83. Last time you were sick?

//currently. hahaha

84. What states have you lived in?

//sarawak

85. Do you wish you could move?

//i moved all the time.. hahahha

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?

//huh?

87. What is your dream car?

//hmm.. honda city. or Kia I don't know the name, but I saw it once at my faculty. My lecturer's new car.

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?

//i did. But then I think it was stupid. So I moved on.

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?

//anywhere but here. It's too tense here.

90. Are you happy with your life?

//YES.pretty much.

matteru~~

which means waiting in Japanese, if I'm not mistaken.
which what I did the whole day today (technically yesterday but now is just 12.20am so who cares.)
and I'm pretty impressed with myself.

Patience is never been my virtue. That, I am very well aware of. That's why I'm impressed. Since I woke up this morning, my mom asked me to 'tapau' chicken rice from SCR because my grandparents coming, and we have nothing much in the kitchen to cook. So I went to SCR and go 'tapau' something. So I have to wait.

Then, as usual, I have to pick my sister from work, and again I waited for her. Since my mom craving for egg  tart, we went to bakery to buy some egg tarts also other breads because this week somehow a lot of guest coming to our house. Then there is massive jam (comparing to other city in the world, this 'massive' jam is nothing) around Bulatan UITM, so I waited patiently for the traffic jams.

Then this night, my sister and her family came here from KL to visit my mom and I was asked to picked them up. I was told that they arrived at 9pm but probably due to severe haze at Peninsular, they were delayed for 25 minutes. And also, my nephew's stuff was a lot, so we have to wait for the luggage as well.
And so, there I was, eating alone at McDonald and waited.

So that's that. I waited. Patiently. Part of me was proud, part of me starting to get annoyed.

I guess, when we grow up, we become kind. Probably because we tend to understand others feeling. Anyway, I just hope that this positive day continues on. Who likes to be negative all day?

4 more hours. or so...

I was actually in the middle of studying and now I'm spacing out. Then I realized, my head is already crammed in with words but I still don't know if I can answer this coming exam. Yes, you've read it right. COMING exam. Literally around 4 hours to go. my last paper for this semester. My brain decided to stop cramming last-minute revision so at the end here I am after wandering for a while. Anyway, this is going to be end of my 5th year of my 4-year course, and no, it's not the end, yet. Sigh. I still have one more semester to fight.

Honestly, this is pretty a spontaneous post. I suddenly thought that it's been a while that I'm in here. The last post was on 14th February. The valentine's Day. And my post was a quote about the depressing feeling. On a Valentine's Day. wow. I felt pathetic all of sudden. =.="

There's a lot of things going on in my life, definitely. I guess this is pretty much the transition phase, so a lot of things going on. My friends moved on to the real world and for me to observe them is somewhat feeling surreal and I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Because of that, the dynamics of our friendship going through change and evolved. It's harder to hangout casually now, as we live different places and have different priorities in life. Despite that we still look out for each other (thanks to the technologies, it's easier). We have deeper conversations, as we reflect a lot from our own view. I think it's a good change, and I'm adapting it.

Anyway, these thoughts remind me of how far have I gone in my life, how much that I've changed, and make me miss all the good times. Now that I've put words out here, I can continue revising. So, til the other time.

Thousand years of sleep.

“I can't think again. Not ever again. I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I know how that felt. It just, I never could express it in words before. and this definitely elaborate the feeling precisely.

 really, I don't know what to post. Well, I guess my writing mood have its season. I've been busying myself with animes and Pottermore. oh yeah, I got into Ravenclaw. :D

The Truth about me. I guess.

I have nothing to do. My friend posted this in facebook, so I've decided to give it a go. I've done this before but let's update some of the information, shall we? :)

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = tea
2. last phone call = Mom.
3. last text message = Vann.
4. last song you listened to = Diamonds- Rihanna
5. last time you cried = yesterday. after tengok MyHime. destiny surely being cruel.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = yup.
7. been cheated on = yup
8. kissed someone & regretted it = nope
9. lost someone special = I guess so.
10. been depressed = yeap.. 2010 never been kind to me. Sigh.
11. been drunk and threw up = mmmuahhahahahha.. I guess so. crazy times indeed.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue
13. Red
14. Black

LAST YEAR (2012), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = lots!
16. Fallen out of love = nope I think.
17. Laughed until you cried = Countless! :D
18. Met someone who changed you = hmmmm... I'm not sure if what changes me is just this person
19. Found out who your true friends were = I think I know who they are long ago.
20. Found out someone was talking about you = people talks, so I don't bother to find out about it.
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = yeah~ 

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = 90% 
24. Do you have any pets = Nope. My family wasn't pet-friendly. except my little sister. 
25. Do you want to change your name = Nope. My name is fine.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = eating out with my family. having fun with my friends. Funny though I can't remember about that...
27. What time did you wake up today = 11 something. =.="
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = reading. I can't sleep, so might as well read something..
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = graduate. gosh I can't wait! :D
30. Last time you saw your Mother = last night. 
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = hmmm.. my weight. life is fine now. Not perfect, but it's fine. 
32. What are you listening to right now = sounds of kipas....
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = maybe. Had I? Not that I can recall.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = results. :(
35. Most visited webpage = Yahoo. (Suprisingly)
37. Nickname = Athy, Atey, Taytay, Taaaaayyyyy~~~
38. Relationship Status = Single. Unless being a devoted girlfriend of Bigbang TOP count as a relationship :)
39. Zodiac sign = Scorpio
40. Male or Female = Female
41. Elementary = SK Agama Miri/SK Agama Sibu
42. High School = SMK Agama Sibu
43. College = LABUAN MATRICULATION COLLEGE!
44. Hair color = Black-ish.
46. Height = =.=" why oh why? 155? plus minus.
47. Do you have a crush on someone = obviously. It's fun to have a crush on someone. :D
48. What do you like about yourself? = being me. hahahhaha.. ntahla. 
50. Tattoos = none. 
51. Righty or lefty= both. but right is the dominant.

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery = Around 4 y.o. I have Harry Potter scars :D(I don't think I should be proud of that)
53. First piercing = my ears. 6 y.o. Then it irritates me, so I don't wear any earrings, until 18 y.o
54. First best friend = Hartini. we were friends since tadika. sampe I pindah Sibu
55. First sport you joined = Bola Jaring. But I was more into athletic though..
56. First vacation = Pulau Pinang. I was still in my mom's womb. HahahahhaXD
58. First pair of trainers = hmmmm... dunno.

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating = tadi. sandwiches..
60. Drinking/Swallowing = nope.. 
61. I'm about to = garu my forehead, thinking of the answer..
62. Listening to = still the sounds of Kipas
63. Waiting for = for now, I don't wait for anything. 

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids? = ABSOLUTELY! who doesn't 
65. Get Married? = (using Snape's cynical tone) Obviously..
66. Career? = Engineer? That part of me haven't decided yet..

WHICH IS BETTER(FUTURE PARTNER) :

67. Lips or eyes = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses= both? ;)
69. Shorter or taller = TALLER.. I'm a not-so-tall person, so I prefer guys taller than me :)
70. Older or Younger = Older. 
71. Romantic or spontaneous = both? Isn't being spontaneous is romantic?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = hmmm.. don't really think about that. I don't mind either way..
73. Sensitive or loud= sensitive I think.
74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = mischievous ;p

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = nope. 
77. Drank hard liquor = Don't think so..
78. Lost glasses/contacts = always. =.="
79. Sex on first date = no. Thanks God no.
80. Broke someone's heart = MAYBE. well.. it's inevitable.
81. Had your own heart broken = not something that I like to be reminded about.
82. Been arrested = is been caught by warden count? hahahha if it counts then my answer would be a lot!
83. Turned someone down = sigh. plenty of time.
84. Cried when someone died= yes. I think. but not at that moment. most of the time it was during the flashbacks.
85. Fallen for a friend = my class filled with boys, so it's inevitable (I love using this word!)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = when I needed to. You never know what a person can be when motivated..
87. Miracles = I guess so.
88. Love at first sight = nope. I think that would be just a crush. To fall in love for someone you just see, is kinda ridiculous to me..
89. Heaven = YES! 
90. Santa Claus = nope.
91. Kiss on the first date = nope. as well.
92. Angels = all da time!

Distracting

A very short post, I assumed.

Last weekend was superb. I got to watch Mama, which is I think a fine horror movie. It's good in a way that everyone scream their hearts out. ( 2 days after that I still sleep with my light on =.=") Not that it matters anyway since most of the time I slept around 4-5 am. My sleeping habit is kinda getting worse. I'm not sure what makes me so awake on the night. My morning starts around noon. Apparently my biological timezone not in sync with the surrounding again. And it is pain in the ass to fix that.

I bought Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.  :) It is some kind of spin-off from Harry Potter. Being a die-hard fan, I feel like being a kid given a lollipop. I should put this moment as the time that I've been truly happy.Besides I've found 3, eh, 4 novels that I'm dying to buy... So hopefully that RM250 rebate is coming soon, because I can't wait to bought them. :D

That this week it's back to being in slumber again. Nothing much is going around I guess, but the results coming out, that's what people said. I really hate that nerve-wrecking feeling that I had since yesterday. My friends told me that I'll be fine, but why do I have a hard time to believe that. I shall go distract my mind for a while until I get to see the outcomes.