Friday, October 29, 2010

Linda Jasmin dan Glamorous

wargh... setiap hari jenguk blog, tp x update apa2 pun XD
kesibukan before study week, biasala tu...
anyway.. huhuhu agak nervous.. event besar akan diadakan hari Ahad ini.. which my responsibility agak besar di situ.. urgh... Dinner!! ajk hadiah as well as koreografer and also as MT.. =.=" there are so much things to do.. and I am busy with the presentations as well, limiting my timeline. I am worried like hell.. huhuhu...
1st event preparation masih lom menampakkan aura2nya..
my dancers sgt.. *sigh* I don't know what to say.. less passionate? how they can dance without a passion? dance with nothing expressed is not a dance at all.. and the choreography still not done yet so yeah I can only say, oh-my-I'm-SO-FREAKING-OUT-here! and I don't get any follow-up with the VIPs and the gifts and I have two test today and a presentation and I'm not ready yet and everyone seems to expect me a lot and I haven't cut my hair yet and ... arghhhhh... I can't do this!!!

*inhale**exhale*
the end of my update. How was it?


Friday, October 22, 2010

aku dan dia..

SERIOUS MATTER: this post is existed because I am super-stressed that I couldn't find any idea to start of my report on bitumen penetration grade and the comparison.

I am Sarawakian, a pure one. And urgh, don't misinterpreted. I'm not posting about politic or my state-ism or whining about how not fair our PM was when the Borneo only get RM10 billion for the next year(yes, I found it so.. no words of describing it). No, I'm not posting anything on it. Not that I'm being ignorance here, because I always concern but that matters, is annoyed me that much and I just really don't want to talk about it.

Move on, this is just in my head. Personal liking, okay.You know, how people nick-naming themselves with their couple? Such as, sayang, honey, baby, darling and so forth. My personal? I like it when my boyfriend (my future boyfriend, supposedly) to call me darling. hehehhe.. Because.. I don't know. I don't know why I don't grossed out when I hear darling but it is when I heard baby or sayang. ahahha Sounds vintage. Maybe because my dad and my mom called themselves like that and I hear it since I was a kid. And I like to call someone 'awak'. Certain people la, such as my dearest friends. Atas sebab yang tak diketahui. I sound like that when I start nak bermanja.. Hahahah... Well I'm the youngest one amongst us all so, once in a while I like to be childish and let them treat me like sisters. hehehhe.. which I did almost everyday.. hehe.. And my friend putting their weird faces when I called them awak.. Then I laugh to myself.. hahaha

Anyway, I should finish my report T___T

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Eh?

PERNAH TAK KAU RASA,
semua burdens piled up and kau stress?
dan yang kau nak lakukan pada masa tu adalah menjerit sekuat hati kau.. menangis sepuas hati kau, tapi malangnya kau tak boleh?
kau tak boleh sebab kau tak nak risaukan orang lain kerana kau raasa mungkin juga mereka merasa yang sama?
dan bila kau tak dapat nak buat semua tu di luar, kau simpan dalam hati kau?
kau jerit dalam hati, kau nangis dalam hati..
terkurung macam tu saja.. dan itu yang buat hati kau sakit?
pernah tak?
bila rasa kau sangat sunyi walau kawan ada kat sebelah?
bila kau nak bagitau dia, tapi kau tak mampu nak luahkan?
sebab kau dah tak berdaya nak luahkan..
sebab kau tak nak rosakkan hati diorang?

PERNAH TAK KAU RASA,
bila semua ini melanda kau nak berhenti?
tapi setiap kali berlaku kau tak pernah nak berhenti dan kau teruskan jugak?

Pernah tak???
Aku pernah. Aku sedang.
Serius aku rasa air mata dah mengalir. Tapi mengalir dalam hati.
Aku rasa dah menjerit sekuat hati. Tapi suara tersekat di kerongkong dan hanya bergema di hati.

Dan apa yang kau mampu lakukan ialah tenung langit lama2 seolah2 ianya boleh bawa masalah kau terbang.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

dunia ini luas, tak semua kita boleh jangka

Ingat lagi tak masa dulu2.. Apa2 pun kau tak ambil kisah.. dunia kau ialah dunia kau dan dunia aku ialah dunia aku. Tapi satu benda kau lupa. Dunia hanya satu. Dunia kau dan dunia aku tetap sama cuma corak jalannya yang berbeza. Rasa kita beza, hidup kita langsung tak sama.
Entah.. pernah tak fikir yang dunia kau takkan berubah? Aku pernah. Walau xberkaitan tapi aku harap dunia itu tak berubah. Tapi masa berlalu. Manusia berubah. Jadi dunia berbeza kerana kita menjadi lebih dewasa. Perspektif semakin besar. Dan baru kau tahu dunia ini lebih luas. Lebih luas dari apa yang kau jangka....

ehem.. dunia aku juga begitu.Dunia ku masa sekolah telah lama ditinggalkan dan semakin lama ditinggalkan aku rasa semakin banyak yang berubah. Kawan2.. kehidupan. hubungan..

Dan bila kau sibuk dalam dunia kau, kau lupa dunia kawan2 kau. Sperti aku. Jalan kita ambil jauh berbeza dan kadangkala, kesibukan aku melambatkan aku daripada perkembangan terbaru.
Kiranya masa high school banyak pasangan-pasangan bahagia. Dan aku kagum dengan mereka.Tak aku tak cemburu.. Hahaha..Fine,fine, agak jealous. Tapi nak buat macam mana. tak pernah nak fall in love. Tapi yang penting semua kawan2 ku, laki2 dan juga perempuan dah berpunya. And they were so sweeeeett... Sampai kan aku dah masuk universiti diorang masih bersama. Itu yang aku sangat kagum.. Dari form3.. kiranya 6-7.. or is it 8 tahun? Setianya.. dan benar aku berdoa agar mereka bahagia selamanya. Tapi... ya.. dunia ini luas. Banyak benda kita belum terokai dan belum difahami. Tak semua nya kekal seperti yang dijangka.. Satu demi satu.. break-up story yg ku dengar tahun ini.. Honestly, aku terkejut. Serius.. sebab semua berlaku tahun ini. Entah maybe lama tak follow-up sesama sendiri.. bila dengar breaking news, its kinda surprising.

Random: Banyak2 couple kat sekolah untuk batch aku... tinggal mm.. satu je lagi kot.. (dats y aku terkejut) To Mijan and Wan aku harap korang sampai ke jinjang pelamin.Serius aku doa nih...

P/s: aku menyibuk pasal kisah cinta orang.. yang aku bila lagi? boyfriend pun takdak... hahahha

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

rasa ini

bila malam syahdu, otak beku dan kau tak mampu berfikir lurus.. fikiran mula terganggu dan melayang.. lalu menyentuh dalam hati yang kau abaikan sepanjang hari..
lantas idea keluar.. laju saja pena menulis bait kata.. walau takda makna tapi kau tulis juga. Kenapa?
kerana itu apa yang kau rasa

Dan aku rasa, ini lah apa yang aku rasa sekarang. Alangkah baiknya, jika gitar ada.. boleh juga mencipta bait-bait lagu. lagu2 merapu..


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Manusia

You can't through this life without making enemies..
>> betul, aku setuju.

and aku adalah one of orang2 yang akan standing out for my right. That is my job. My right is to work and fulfill my responsibilities. I don't care if people hates me for that. Its not that I don't care but I can't. That's my job so by hook or by crook, I have to do it.

Tak semua orang begitu I guess. Sebab, bila ada perjumpaan orang tak pernah ambik tau apa yg org depan cakap. Bila ditanya siapa ada komplen, sorang pun tak angkat.Tapi bila disuruh tulis komplen nak dekat satu rim kertas komplen. Aku tak paham tu. Kalau kau rasa hak kau tak dijaga, why don't you stand up and say it out loud? Kenapa nak guna jalan belakang? Nak tambah dosa kering sendiri mengumpat orang? Setiap complaint yang diterima bukannya tak dipandang, tetapi most of it tak munasabah. Dan ada yang di luar bidang kuasa.

Orang suruh kami view dari sudut pandangan diorang. Be in their shoes katanya. Dorang student, busy, banyak assignment,kelas packed. To be truth, all of us having the same situation. Komplen2, tapi pernah tak diorang terfikir pasal situasi orang? Semua orang datang universiti untuk study. No exception. And we decide to be orang yang mengantarakan pihak pengurusan dan student. Korang, why don't you guys be in our shoes??

Serius dalam perjumpaan, aku boleh bet, orang yang berkertas2 komplen bila disuruh datang ke depan dan bersuara sendiri, xda sapa yang angkat. Yang bertanya mostly seniors dan komplen dorg ada munasabahnya. Dan untuk 1st year komplen keran membebankan hidup dorg as student, what about us, 3rd year? Jangan komplen ikut hati, ikut la otak dan situasi.

And aku rasa by this post, there are more enemies to come. Serius, there are nothing I can do about it. I do my work. That's it. It is all work nothing personal.


words

"I failed miserably"
"awesome"
one sentence is negative another one is positive.
I like both quote. I don't know why would I like to say "I failed miserably" as much as "awesome". I found that the word of "miserably" is attractive and the word "awesome" is well, awesome. Basically in my daily life, these are the most sentence that spoken out from my mouth. Is there any scientific research to prove that human beings have some connection with word? Any ways can show me why did I attract with the word of "miserably" and "awesome".
Personal opinion: Its one of human nature. We tend to bias on one specific thing. That's why we tend to have our own favorite color, numbers and so forth. And to me, I have my own favorite words! It sounds weird though. Are you guys have your favorite words too?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Note to myself

Either I'm trying to get better or I just getting used with the pain. Anyway listening on this song and suddenly I was touched by the lyrics. Maybe I should just hold on and be more stronger. Or maybe I just need someone else to hold on with me.



Hold On

You fought your way up to the wall
But you havent gone past at all
While gazing with tear filled eyes
You just cant help but ask why
If trying hard is what it takes
Then why does it feel like a mistake?
The world has taken its side
You just wanna run away and hide

Its tough
Theres no one to turn to
I hear screaming inside you
Feels like hells all youve been through
Hells all youve been through

Hold on
Dont stop your breathing
I see your dreams and
I feel them too
Hold on
Dont lose your faith
I know you cant break
Im hoping and praying for you

All your peace seems far away
But you know there comes a day
When everythings so bright
All the darkness you feel subsides
And in the rising of the sun
You can finally say its done
The world will take your side
And your heart will start to shine

I will
Be holding on to you
There is nothing you cant do
I will try to be strong
Will try to be strong so

Hold on
Dont stop your breathing
I see your dreams and
I feel them too
Hold on
Dont lose your faith
I know you cant break
Im hoping and praying for you

Ill never let go of you
Ill never let go of you
Ill never let go of you, of you

Hold on
Dont stop your breathing
I see your dreams and
I feel them too
Hold on
Dont lose your faith
I know you cant break
Im hoping and waiting for you

it seems

I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get through anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.

and now I am falling apart. I am trying to hold my grip as tight as I can but I keep falling. The harder I try, the harder I fall. I couldn't find the best way to tell my friend and ask for help without burdening them.

All I know is, my heart breaks. I just couldn't do this anymore.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

kehilangan

Hilangnya diri aku dalam dunia blog kerana kesibukan yang melanda, ofcourse plus setiap kali aku nak blog, mesti lupa apa yang aku nak tulis, last-last cancel, x jadik tulis..
So today I think I just ranting about anything..

first of all, last weekend kinda short to me. Friday went ended shortly because most of the hours were filled with dance practice. Modern dance on the evening and contemporary dance on the night. My back hurt as its been long time I haven't dance. On Saturday, woke up early because there were notice no water the whole day which happened to be false after all. Practice for modern dance again on the morning, then hang out at my friend's room watching Grey's Anatomy.On the afternoon went to FSTS Organic Lab to help my friend doing her FYP. Not helping anything, just watching around anyway XD. Then on night again, the practice.

On Sunday, there were event in Sakura which involved me for the whole day. At morning I was awake by a friend's call asking me music for aerobic. I was PMS by that time so its been a moody and ultimate lazy day. After that, there were suppose to be gotong-royong but instead me and my members were practicing dancing for a last time. Then since there were bicycles at that time all 4 of us when cycling whole UNIMAS. It was fun and refreshing. Then I was helping in charge on ensuring everything were fine..
On the afternoon sukaneka was held. It was scorching hot so I just stay under the canopy and play with the PA System. On the closing ceremony, we did the performance. Hahahah.. Actually it pretty impressive that we can pull it out even with only few hours practice. And then when its over,we, again, went cycling the whole UNIMAS. My butt hurts, hahahahah...Then I'm having fun went out dinner with friends. We all laughing all the way for stupid and random things.
Then, again practice.

And here comes another weekdays....

p/s: I should entitled this post as The Practice, XD

Friday, October 1, 2010

to anyone


HELPP!!

I am so new in this.
huhuhuhu...

How to find sponsorship??
I need sponsorship for the next project.
I am seriously don't know much the procedure or exactly how to begin..

So anyone, help?