Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Days Difference - Speakers

what makes my day?
A sweet music video with a guy that have an adorable smile in it.

*tersenyum sendiri*

Decision of a life time

you know there are times when you have to decide on your own about your life. It matters so much for your own life, future, happiness..

It takes for me three years to notice it. Two and a half actually. And it takes me one whole year to think about it. What is it?

I'm already in the third year and you know what I realized? I study just for the sake of exam. Then I failed. Seriously. Where's the fun? I've changed. sigh. Years before I am totally not like this. Before I always thinking learning is fun. YES. Studying can be fun ONLY when we really enjoyed it. The thrill, the amusement of knowing something new. New things always fascinate me but since I'm in university I studied. But just enough to get me pass. Which is often I failed. I can't get through it. I don't understand a thing! Then I remembered back in the days how much I love physics. I remembered how I never study last minute before. How I can watch whole series of One Litre of Tears the night before exam yet I still score an A. It was because I learned the whole time. And that's when I realized I was focusing way too much on getting that piece of paper of degree and forgetting how much fun I was when I really put my efforts on studying sincerely. The intention of studying was got off track and that's why I never felt happy those years.

Sounds a bit nerd, eh?

And yet I still fail a lot of subjects. Too many subjects to be repeated. Sigh. That's when I start to think to extend my years here. I know my parents definitely opposing this idea but I have been thinking about this for one whole year. So its totally tough decision I made here. I can make through for four year but that will consist of full credit hour taken for every semester left and all I care then is just to get pass. While I have my time left now I just want to have fun studying. I created the mess at the first place so I guess it is my responsibility to fix it back. And I don't want to finish this degree with unhappy face.

Its absolutely a decision of a life time. So hard to make one. I guess this is one of the things that grown-ups need to do.. huhuhu

Friday, November 19, 2010

what's going on~

22 Nov - Highway Engineering & Structural Analysis
24 Nov - Reinforced Concrete Design & Fluid Mechanics
25 Nov - Hydrology Engineering
-the End-

yes I have another five papers left. My housemate already finished her final and already holiday-ing.. ergh... this is so not fair! huhuhuhu...

Hence, less updates for me..

to Mermer, I would like to do the bag challenge that you tagged me but later, kay? heheh.. I have no camera, my phone's camera sucks..

Played basketball just now and the feeling was awesome! hehehe though I know my stamina isn't stronger as it used to be...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

have faith in me

Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I'm going crazy
Cause there are things in the streets I don't believe
So we'll pretend it's alright (pretend it's alright)
and stay in for the night
Oh what a world
I'll keep you safe here with me (with me)

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall

They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall

Have faith in me

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did (Go, Did)
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it (Fall, Meant It)
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did

p/s: to Vanne, Juju, Wann, Zaza.. good luck in exam.. hehehe XD

Monday, November 15, 2010

fact: 1 thing you should know about me

I'm not a perfect girl, I'm just a girl who knows how to rock her world

yeah.. I'm rock like that :) hahahahahaha

you and me and life

source: tumblr~

to friend, just to let you know..

I always be there for you.
And I'll listen.
Because you always be there for me too..
and you take time to listen to me
No worries, kay?

random: I don't think you read my blog but yeah I support you! oh yeah chaiyok2!!

where oh where is my McSteamy?

I need a guy friend. Some thing like Mark Sloan and Callie Torres. Who knows this two best buddies? Yeah, yeah they are the characters from Grey's Anatomy. I love them both. hohoho..

I want to have some relationship like that. A best buddy. A guy you can talk to and ask their opinion. Someone that can honestly says anything to you. Sigh. I can hardly found one here. I need to have someone like Mark Sloan to Callie Torres (ignore the part that they are ex-sex partner and Callie is lesbian) . But yeah, you get my point.

Most of my guy friends are just acquaintances, course mates and someone that I know. The one who want to get close to me are all the one who looking for couples.. which is sometimes can be so pushy and annoyingly cheesy. Can't they just be friend? sigh.

I just need one. Someone that I can rely on. I do have girl best friend for girls stuffs. But there are things that you need guy friends.. A guy that I can really said anything, do anything and be myself comfortably.

But people said girl and guy couldn't be just friends. Ijit???

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Engineering talks

Bored. I've been staying away from books for a while because I just need to stay away from it. But as today, while having my dinner with two awesome heroes in my life, which are my dad and my brother, suddenly I get the mood back. Family is always been the best motivation, eh? Anyway as usual when I'm with the dudes of my family, mostly we talk about general things. Such as sports or Malaysia nowadays. hehe.. its kinda refreshing though. Having some intellectual conversation.

And tonight we were talking about all the accidents happened these few months. Scary. Since both me and my brother in the same field, we talk it more engineering-ly. hahaha..Transportation engineering. The system. And also the politics. Again, the politics. To be honest with all the engineering right now, development should be easy and nothing is impossible. Constructing a road connecting Sibu to Kapit would be without hesitation could be done. But then, yes, too much interference from other aspects. The politic itself interfering the development. Engineers if were given the order to design something, they would do it. Just like what my brother said, people can construct the highway from Perak to Kelantan despite the topography there during British ages, why we can't do it now, from Sibu to Kapit?
But we couldn't put the blame in the engineering though. It more to law implementation itself and the attitude of the companies who mostly ignores it.

Enough for that. It just, sometimes there are law shouldn't be ignored. Because of greediness, people's lives on risk, and its just not fair. Money does solve a lot of problems but it can't pay back what have been loss.
this is me. Me celebrating myself entering 20-th hahahahaXD

the point is I'm just bored. so I just ranting about tonight.

Music , Coffee and everything in between

I'm changing the blog title. again. Hahahaha dunno why I pick up this title but surely it is because it sounds like me.

Music and Coffee is things that I've always had to start off my day..
and this blog is showing mostly about whatever I've thought, whatever I've felt in that moment. Something like showing up how I see life, other people and everything.

So it does feel meaningful. =)

I'm too stressed. Life become too serious for me. I'm changing become too serious. And I've forgot what's the most important to me. Which is being happy in what I'm doing. So, I'm just taking a few steps back, take a little breather and finally do something that I really love, something I cherish the most.

A good start of changing something,eh?

According to her

"According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable, we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain, we beg, we plead, we offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair until finally we can let go. We let go and move into acceptance." (Grey's Anatomy S06E01).

and finally I know that's what I've been through these weeks. Grief. I'm not dying but I lose my soul, myself. So I'm grieving about it. I went through all the phases, and now I'm in the last stage I think. Acceptance. After a talk with my friend, I just realized all the time wasting. A life that I'm not enjoyed it at all. It feels like a switch inside my soul switched on and its totally change me. I feel new light.. hahaha. Enough with the metaphora but now I'm starting a brand new chapter in my life. I'm trying my best not to be negative anymore and though it felt different from my usual self but I kinda like it. My friends kinda surprise to see the difference but like it too. And deep inside I know they are fully supporting me. All I can say now, I feel happy. The feeling that I haven't felt quite for a long time. ^________________^

p/s: I'm browsing a new handphone.. hehehehe^_^

Thursday, November 11, 2010

dear romeo

bad day? not really.. you know when things pretty much upsetting you the whole time you got tired with it.. then it comes to the point when its just too much, and you can't take it anymore so then you just start to ignore everything...
Its a part of grieving I guess.. I become too angry, too upset.. too I don't know.. til theres no more room left to feel anything else.. So when we start to ignore those feeling, we barely feel anything..

so to not making it any worse I go blogwalking. When I read Syam's blog I listened to a very sweet song.. Lullaby-Dear Juliet

You can rest easy tonight
everything is gonna be alright, i promise
go to sleep and dream of me tonight
everything may not be perfect, but at least we tried

so tonight

sweet dreams and sleep tight
i've been trying so hard, can't get you out of my mind
and if this is how it has to be, just promise you won't forget me
and i'll leave you with this lullaby tonight

i know that this hurts you, it hurts me too
i wish there was something i could do to make it easier for you
sometimes it's tough, too soon to call it love but i wanted to
yeah i wanted to, but it's too late now to say all the wonderful things that i thought of you

i think about him when I listened to this..

dear you,

yes I love you but I won't tell you. because I don't think you are too and it will ruins everything in between. I just want to keep things like this. Yeah, I'm selfish like that..


random: I want to buy new hp la.. this hp mala jak rosak

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

reality hits you

yeah it is. hard. and its sucks. well lets wrap it up...

Yesterday was my birthday.. yippee~~ I'm turning 20 now.. but hold on, today I'm 360 degree mood change.. not happy today so better saving the happy post later..

now.. I don't know how I feel...
misery? not really..
sad? na-ah~
It just my heart aches~ my mood were pretty down even before my birthday.. but I vowed not to be sad, not to cry not on that day. not on my birthday.. I don't want my friends to see it so I kinda letting them to cheers me and have fun...

today, terserempak my ex-bf at kfc. =.=!!! after that, all the happiness that I tried to hold on to washed away~
again my heart aches...

i just totally hate this..

yesterday was a blast and I had all the fun but today back to reality. I really just want to stay at that state, can I? I can't because then when reality hits me, I'll crashed. shattered to pieces.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

next year perhaps~

Its Sunday and I watched this anime. This is a part of last episode in season 2. I cried watching this.. Hahahaha! yeah. =') it touched me.Well I will be like Azusa next year. We all are in third year. For me its my sophomore because I have 4 years-course but to most of my friend, this is the final one. Though we all are very busy people we still crammed a little bit us-time together. Watching this is sad you know. You guys will be graduating next year and after that, won't be so much time together.. huhuhu....

so I guess with all the time left, just have fun, kay? =')

random: this is my 100th post.. ^__^ hehehe.. =)

that's how committed we are~ not really..

the end of study weeks. but it doesn't feels like one. I was busy with all the meetings, projects and assignments. So I haven't do any study at all.. wargh~
and here is a scoop of what did I've done during this so-called study week..

ya, while discussing a picture or two won't do any harm. hehe

MT is meeting for next semester activities

trust me~ I'm not studying any analysis or calculation.. I'm calculating the budgets~ ya,ya, I'm the bendahari, remember?

and this is from different angle~

there are other pictures too but felt so lazy to upload it here~ heheh.. this is more to an inside scoop of my life as MT JPK isn't it? hehehe.. anyway.. I should go back to study.. I kept diverting my focus to other things.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


fb does the miracles again! hahaha.. rasa sangat gembira..
someone adds me a girl. 1st I did tengok her fb. But its private so nothing much to know. The face looks Korean so I thought it was not her but it does look familiar.
2nd time I saw the mutual friends. all are my schoolmates, so its kinda shocked so I tried to remember people who've been to my schools. Thought she was my junior but mostly both of our friends from the same batch, so I limiting my memories to my own class but still I couldn't so I just approved her.

Rupa2nya it was my long-lost-close-friends. Kami segeng masa form 1 and form 2 before she moved to Kuching. My oh my, she turned out to be a very beautiful girl. She was pretty too in school but yeah, time passing by, people changes. heheh..
Basically both of us lost contact and as time passed by we both changed so much and we both actually couldn't recall each other before stalking the profiles.LOL..

anyway it feels awesome... the old memories rushing to my brain~

Books and Grieves

Just finished reading this. Yeah, it has the movie too but I haven't watch the movie so I don't know how the movie is.

Nothing much to spoiler, you have to read it. For me, it is beautifully and tragically sad. You can't expect anything to comes even how much you have gotten used to it. Its all about death and living. How much loss has affected both sides of world. The bond between Charlie and Sam is superb. And Tess character is good too. The plot surprises me though. I thought it would be typical plot of the character has to choose between his brother or the girl (I was influenced by the movie's trailer). The relationship between the character is beautiful and through reading, I somehow feel how hard it is to let go. tsk.

Last but not least, this novel is awesome =) (I am suck doing any review so its kinda short and not really like a review post. hehehe)

Last Tuesday, I was looking for Lauren Conrad's Sweet Little Lies at MPH unfortunately, it is out of stock, I guess because I couldn't find it anywhere. Instead I bought John Irving's Last Night in Twisted River. Another novel about grief. Am I changing genre? hahahah. but since I am pretty busy with study now so haven't started reading it yet.. hehe

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The All-American Rejects - SunShine (Bonus Track)

a very good song indeed.. sounds peaceful.. good choices of music instruments... its a bit soothing after listening the whole album to listen something calming like this.. heheh


kadang2 you just know yourself when you are in trouble..
you try to hide, but your close friends will see it..
I'm being crappy last night, seemingly lost and I look terrible..

Thanks though you not doing anything. Thanks for just listening all the crappy things. Though my heart not settled yet, its felt better to know that I can hold to someone when the cruel waves of life crushing me from inside. Its just felt really better that I know I'm not alone, I know I got someone to rely on when I have no strength anymore.

I don't need much. I just need someone.

So, thanks.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

~Glamorous overloaded!

Though I am too immersed with my emotional breakdown these days, there are time when I have fun too. Well I cried as I go through the whole album actually thinking this might be the last memories I had with them. Mind me, I got a dream where I got kicked out from UNIMAS~ huhuhu..
Stop the blabber now feast your eyes.. with all these glam-o-fairies...

all the hot girls

us three.

in a very confident pose of me

there are lots more pics of us either in fb or in my personal collection. The pictures that I'll cherish the most~

soul yang sudah hilang...

sometimes I think our life is like a movie. Mine too. Some things are happen too slow, and some are too fast.. Some moments are so meaningful some are just passing by.

And now in my 'movie', this is the part where the main character is so messed up. Breaking apart. Lost the direction. Needs the inspiration.

And same goes with all the movies out there, not everyone having a happy ending. But still, they have to get something. Maybe a lesson of loss. or finding a romance. or inspired everyone else. become a legacy. and so forth. The question is, what's mine??

the question that I'm still figuring out.

karma is a BITCH

people said..
karma is a BITCH if you are. and Life is suck when you are a LOSER.

sounds true.

I guess I'm a bitch and also a loser. Because now, I feel karma bitching me and my life is suck.
Can't help it. Trying to be less negative these days, but the feeling is still there.

random:: woke up in the middle of the night without any reason is annoying.