Sunday, August 29, 2010

sorry

life is a mess and I hardly catch a piece of it. Enough with the emo posts.. Baca balik post2 aku beberapa hari lepas buat aku down sendiri.. Hahahahaha, xdala, tipu je.

Sebenarnyakan walaupun faktanya dragon ball ada 7 biji tapi apa yang aku nak bagitau adalah, aku ada banyak program.. tapi satu pun aku x letak kat cni..=.=" knapala aku malas sangat.. yelah, gambar2 tu nak kena atur lagi.. Tu yang maas tu and mood blogging aku x konsisten. Kalau rajin spontan je jari nak menekan keyboard..

Sekarang ni, aku sedang menghadiri..mm lebih kepada menghandle Bakti Siswa. Aktiviti kira macam bersama dengan masyarakat la. G kampung then buat baktilah nak buat apa lagi. Semalam berakhirnya hari pertama which I considered good and enjoyable but one thing penat nak mampus. Kampung tu dekat dengan pantai so panas dia lain. Humidity tinggi so bila panas rasa melekit dan x selesa. Tapi Alhamdulillah seua berjalan dengan lancar dan hopefully hari ni pun sama. Tapi hari ini agak menervouskan sebab ade YB petang karang.. So hoping the best jela...

okay,okay post ni agak melalut dari tujuan asal..Aku just nak cakap, rindu dengan kawan2 ku. Walaupun dorang tinggal sebelah blok dan ada gak yang tinggal kat tingkat bawah je tapi serius aku rindu dorang. Kami sama2 pergi ke Bakti Siswa tapi yela sebagai AJK induk jarang gak lelepak dengan dorang.. Bermula semester ini, flow masih okay, tapi makin lama, kami semua makin busy so jarangla nak lepak. Jumpa memang selalu tapi just cakap2 macam tu. Kami x macam dulu lagi, tak tengok movie sama2 malam2, lepak bergosip, eh bukan, bercerita sampai ke awal pagi. Nowadays, its hardly to do so..Aku rindu time tu.

Dan kekadang, aku yang sibuk. every night ade meeting, balik2 nak study lagi..so jumpa pun dah x bercerita macam dulu. Mostly apa yang dibualkan hanya berkenaan subjek semata2. Thats what I'm so sorry of. I feel sorry to them, I feel sorry to myself but I guess that what'll happen when we grows up. Less time with friends as more commitments we hold. I don't know but sometimes, there will be time to make this up and lets hang out together again, friends. I miss you guys~

Friday, August 27, 2010

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday live moves on like
I wish I could talk to you for a while
I wish I could find a way not to cry
As time goes by....

-Bye bye, Mariah Carey


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I'm done.

one thing people should know about me. Words does hurt me more than anything else.

Fine, lain kali aku x buat lagi. Tapi if there's anything happened, don't blame others. I did warned.

Now, I think I should just be what I used to be. Someone who doesn't give a damn. Its your problem and its not mine to fucking care about it.

salahkah aku?

lama dah tak berblog. eh lupa.. good morning y'all! pagi ini harap2la indah dan permai.. ada lab karang so x syok ar kalu hujan or terlalu panas.. ehehhe.
Minggu ni kira event kemuncak, yela dah nak merdeka so memang banyak kerja.. dah lama x update dengan kawan2.. masing2 sibuk dengan kerja sendiri.

Yang aku nak tulis ni pasal perasaan aku kepada sesetengah orang. Aku faham, hidup kat kolej cam survival of the fittest. Kita mengejar cop dan merit semata2 nak stay kolej for another semester. I get that part. Aku pun pernah jadi student awam, k. Dan aku faham masa nila assignment mencurah2 ke ladang gandum dan ini minggu midterm. Itu pun aku faham. Aku pun student gak. So nak juggle masa antara kedua2 benda tu agak sukar. Tapi, apabila ko dah tulis nama nak sertai aktiviti tu means ko sedia nak pikul komitmen tu. So what we xpect is, ko turun and jalankan tanggungjawab dan amanah yang diberi. Kata mahasiswa, pandai2 ar korang nak balance kan masa. Apa yang menyedihkan, korang tak memberi komitmen yang sepenuhnya, menjadikan perjalanan sesuatu benda tu x lancar. Dan yang seksa menerimanya, kami2 yang kerjanya sepatutnya memantau. Terpaksa cari orang last minute and kerja jadi lambat..

And hari ini aku rasa terkilan. Kecil hati aku yang kecil ni.Nak cakap yang amat sangat tu takla, tapi terkilan jugakla.. okay,okay, fine. korang je yang nak dpt 3 pointer, aku x yah.. korang je nak berehat, aku takyah.. Sometimes pernah tak korang terfikir, aku pun manusia? aku pun perlu rehat? pernah x? aku pun nak grad sama2, aku pun struggle nak naikkan pointer. Ok2 part rehat aku leh consider, tapi kadang2 aku pun nak jugak tidur lebih dari dua jam... Ada masa aku pun taknak balik bilik kol 1 everyday.. aku pun nak segar bila bangun pg.. x rasa restless.. semangat ckit nak turun kelas.. okay, aku tak paksa korang tapi apa salahnya tolong? korang tak rasa masa tu aku perlukan pertolongan. at least pertolongan tu menjimatkan masa untuk buat kerja and tak perlula balik kol 1-2 pagi.. aku x mintak tolong banyak. tapi.. *sigh* ntahla.. aku trasa terkilan.. salahkah aku mintak tolong?

baiklah, kalau kau rasa aku menyusahkan kau,aku ganggu masa rehat kau, aku ikhlas, mintak maaf banyak2..next time aku akan try tak ganggu kau, tak mintak tolong dari kau lagi. Yela kau nak belajar, ko ade midterm nak dapat 3 pointer. Ko nak rehat kan, ko ade kelas awal pagi. Aku bagik orang lain yg nak je la..



Aku manusia. And aku memang jenis tak suka sangat nak luahkan apa yang ada dalam hati. Tapi hati aku kecil. Ada limitnya. Bila pendam banyak2 aku pun leh terasa gak wei. Mintak maafla, kalau sesapa yang terasa. Aku just luahkan apa yang ku rasa.Serius, aku terkilan..

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Salam Sabtu

Selamat pagi dan Selamat hari Sabtu..

Blog ni under construction.. so nampak tak ok lagi kot skarang. Karang dah siap aku update lagi..^^

Friday, August 20, 2010

Tendency

If I'm working I can see what kind of person I can be. I think. I will be a workaholic. Nowadays, when I am loaded with works all I can think is work work and work.
but I won't talk about work in this post.. hopefully. But what I felt about it..

I felt like I can't breathe. Suffocated. and Lonely. Works make the gap between me and other people wider. My coursemate did tell me that they haven't see much around Unimas. Even my friends. When my friends, told me that they miss me, somehow haven't see me lately, I was taken aback. Am I really drifting apart from them?

so yesterday I didn't rush to go back to my room, and went lepak-ing with my friends at jetty and we talked. And honestly, I felt great. I felt I can sip the air and breathe. Even just for 20 minutes but we did do what we enjoy. Talk and laugh. Jokes around.

To friends, though we have our own burden, our own works, but seriously, I do care about all of you and yes I will try my best to be a great friend for you..

Betul kata orang, the greater the power the more responsible you hold. But no fear, family and friends still will be my first priority =)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

All I need



Get it?

Early plan:
  • sleep on 830 pm til 3 or 4 am
  • do my lab calculation
  • read the lab manual
  • check for undone assignments
  • check for JPK stuff
  • sahur
What happened:
  • Got called because of budget thingy on 11pm
  • Completing the poster for FK event because the problems we had earlier
  • because of that, I'm wide awake.
  • frankly, my body still tired, my mind still exhausted
darn. I thought I can have my rest for today =.="
Now I can't sleep back, I'm back to work. Another restless day.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

sumbangan ikhlas dari Google

yes, dan yes.. Go out and love some more! More love less hate, make world a better place.
Perhatian: ini bukan gitar aku, walaupun kaler lebih kurang sama.

Renungan Pagi

Dalam kemamaian, aku bangun pagi seawal ini, tadi lagi dah untuk bersahur dan meneruskan kerja-kerja yang tak pernah nak siap. Sekarang, dah menjadi kebiasaan pulak. Bangun2 je fikir pasal kerja. =.=" gila ah.. baru belaja engineering, tendency towards nak jadi workaholic tu agak tinggi.

Dan sekarang, kerja2 yang agak penting dah aku siapkan, 90 % completion la, tunggu satu maklumat dari kawan ku, maa siapla dan sedia dihanter ke boss.

Okay,okay.. tujuan sebenar blogging pagi ni sebab nak hilangkan stress bekerja. Chewah~ betulla kan? hmm tapi aku takder idea nak disumbangkan dalam post kali ni.

Stress. Cakap pasal stress, semua orang ada masalah tersendiri dan semua orang tengah stress. Kalau tengok melalui situasi aku, agak2nye time ni semua orang dalam stress mode. Aku stress dengan projek dan komitmen2 lain. Having two major projects to be think about and juggling with JPK's stuffs as well as faculty's stuffs ain't that easy. Third year bukan la tahun untuk main2. Dengan keadaan pointer aku sekarang, nak tak nak struggle is a must. Itu aku rasa major factor yang trigger stress aku. Tu belum masuk part kehidupan tu. Duit lagi. Mana tak gila.. Kawan-kawan lain pun busy tahap gaban. Diorang dari fakulti lain course 3 tahun. So time ni busy memanjang dengan FYP.

So that's why having good friends is important. Masa2 stress, sometimes kita kena take time untuk rest. And aku ada banyak cara nak hilangkan stress. Tapi kalau diconcludekan, mostly aktiviti menghilangkan stress itu mesti ada kawan.

Antara aktiviti2 yang aku selalu lakukan ialah;
  • Yang aku tengah buat sekarang ler.. Blogging. Writing salah satu cara. Walaupun kadang2 kalau korang baca, post2 aku banyaknya merepek, tapi sebenarnya itula luahan hatiku.. hahahaha
  • lepak ngan kawan. Kalau aku betul2 stress, dengan tak semena2nya kakiku melangkah turun dan memunculkan diri di bilik kawan. Tapi tengok time jgk ar, dorang pun busy ape. And masa nila sesi luahan hati. Hahaha.. kiranya la, sama2 kami luahkan stress2 yang terpendam. Apa yang kami bincangkan? biarlah kami saja yang tahu ;p
  • main gitar. Samada main sorang2 lam bilik dan melalak macam orang gila, or sama2 jadi orang gila bersama kawan2. Music is one of the best way of soothing.
  • Dengar muzik. reason pun same macam di atas.
  • Basketball. And ni selalu dibuat kalau perasaan macam nak bunuh orang or tumbuk dinding tu ada. Kesian bola tu, habis dikerjakan. Tapi memang berkesan.
  • Melukis. Melukis bawak otak ku ke satu tempat dimana aku tak hiraukan keadaan sekeliling. Walaupun lukisan buruk, hati jadi tenang.. Hahahah
  • Ape lagi ar? Housekeeping. ntah pape ntah. Tapi buat something buat aku lupakan stress aku.
So, aku rasa setakat tu je lah. Kalau ada yang lain2 tu, rasanya jarang dibuat la. So time ni time stress, so memang dan memang korang akan selalu tengok aku buat benda ni.
Kenapa aku tak listkan tidur sebagai salah satu aktiviti? = Bila aku stress, aku memang susah tidur. Aku nak suruh diri aku tidur pun x dapat sebab otak aku x dapat nak stop berfikir. So tidur is not one of the way aku hilangkan stress tapi untuk restkan otak aku,yes..Tu pun aku paksakan diri untuk tidur. Tidur is penting y'all.

Anyway today is gonna be just another hectic day. Have a nice day =)

Monday, August 16, 2010

Daily thoughts

I got this from Grace's tumblr.. from my dashboard of course. and yes. itu adalah benar. Saya suka ayat kedua.. A girl can give you so many chances, that one day, her heart isn't willing to take another heartbreak,anymore.

Betul. Kadang-kadang apabila peluang yang diberi tak dihargai, kepercayaan pada something makin lama makin faded. Maka hati pun tertutup. Yela, giving chance to someone untuk close dengan kita meaning exposing more about ourselves, so bila dah expose risk untuk disakiti itu tinggi. But when the chance given disia-siakan, heartbreak pun akan terjadi.. Chewah~ jenuh tangan nak menaip.. hahaha.

Tapi berdasarkan pengalaman aku (yer2 je cakap pengalaman, pengalaman pun stakat sekangkang kera) bila once we've decided to get over it, we'll get over it. somehow we stand strong and face our life. Tak kisah berapa banyak kali hancurnya hati aku tapi last2 ada satu moment aku cakap enough is enough. No more getting hurt. So that's why sampai sekarang aku cenggini jela.. hidup lebih aman. Itu yang pasti. Tapi sebagai manusia biasa, yes perasaan tu masih ada. Wujud sekelumit perasaan yang aku pun nak bahagia ada couple jugak. Someone that I looking forward to everyday. Someone who makes me smile while waking up because of sweet good morning message..

p/s: Habeng! Jiwang aku pepagi buta hari Isnin ni.. Ni suma pasal lab calculation lom siap.. And tak dapat nak buat assignment..hahah

Sunday, August 15, 2010

fobia

fobia disebabkan trauma selalunya.. hahah.. entahla.. google sendiri

okay, aku bukannya nak berfalsafah apa itu fobia. faham2 sendiri la ek. Fobia aku ada satu. Lipas. EWWW.... nak taip perkataan tu pun meremang bulu roma..*sori takde gamba diletakkan* sbab aku takut tgok lipas. *eww.skali lagi meremang bulu roma* tapi yes, aku serius. Serius tahap gaban.. Tengok sesungut jer trus lari lintang pukang.. so aku dah gtau ni jangan ar korang prank aku. Kang pressure darah ku turun sapa susah...
Kenapa dan kenapa? agaknya disebabkan insiden zaman dulu2.. Malas ar nak cite, yang penting, aku memang tak boleh dekat dengan menatang tu..

Satu lagi. Yang ni aku x la nak categorizekan dalam fobia. sebab takde plak simptom-simptom fobia. Lebih kurang perkara yang sebaiknya aku cuba elakkan. Orang mungkin fikir aku takut banyak benda. TAK. hanya satu perkara je tapi perkara tu lead kepada perkara-perkara lain.
-Aku tak suke naik lif. Kalau aku sorang 2 komfem ku naik tangga.
-Aku tak suke pg bazar.. or pasar or tempat2 crowded. Aku jd blur,,
ape lagi ek? tu je la kot.. tapi kalu nak dirumuskan,aku sebenarnya rimas. hahah bila aku dalam lif or tempat-tempat yang crowded, aku jadi sesak nafas. Jantung ku berdegup lebih pantas. Aku jadi cam tak keruan ckit.Aku rasa cam suffocated tak dapat nak free kan diri aku.. Thats y aku tak suke berada dalam kedua2 situasi tu. So benda tu buat aku takde mood. Jadi, kalau korang jumpa aku kat kawasan2 yang crowded and aku lx berapa nak tegur korang, maafkanla ek. Bukannye nak sombong tapi aku just tak suke berada dalam situasi tu..

Friday, August 13, 2010

in memories


UPDATED: READ HERE
Alfatihah to my bestfriend Rashidah Mohamad. moga dia ditempatkan di tempat2 orang yang beriman. In memories 1989-2010.

I knew her since we were form 1. We both been placed in one dorm and since then we're friend. Form 1 until form 5 we grew up together even not in the same class. We played together we slept together, we went through all those high school ventures together. Knowing her help me grew up better. We both learned about friendship, trust and faith.

I got the news of her accident yesterday evening. It was shocking and yes my mind goes blank. All the memories rush in my brain.

I don't know how to explain my condition or my feelings or whatsoever here. It just... hmm...
So all I can do is to move on and pray for her. She was my friend and she always be.

Bek, ku redha pemergian ko.. semoga pemergianmu dilimpahi rahmat daripada Allah.. Amin~~



Tuesday, August 10, 2010

hopeless romantic~

Got this from Facebook. Hmmm to be truth, the description is quite accurate.. Determined, checked. Others, checked.
But.... Hopeless romantic? Hahhahahahah ME? am I? I never know bout that.. Haha
Very Intelligent.. I don't think so.. or maybe I don't realized about it myself.. hohooh
Do or Die. Yes. I won't do something I know I can't do. When I do something I do until the end.
And Yes, who doesn't? I like to enjoy my life to the fullest...

p/s: I do serious want to know if I am look like a person that is a hopeless romantic. Am I?

Monday, August 9, 2010

habit

bad habit die hards. True. Procrastination one of the major bad habit I'm having. As you can see, there are lots of things happening, but none of it been updated here. First I am so lazy right now. Second it was busy weekend and this week is hectic so no time to update.* I steal my rest time to blog* hahah. Third, idea dah hilang.

And yeah I procrastinate a lot. It ruined bit by bit my life so right now, I'm trying to reduce it.

Friday, August 6, 2010

sometimes..

Sometimes all I want to do is going home, go to my mom's room tuck into bed beside her and sleep. Sometimes all I want to do is just that.
Sometimes I just want to do nothing and let time flies.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say everything is fine. And that sometimes could be right this moment.
Sometimes all I want to do is cry. Crying for every little things happened. Crying for how it led my life into. Crying for all the mess I made in my life.
Sometimes I just want someone understands and listen to me.
Sometimes all I need is someone to be there for me when all of this moment happened.
Sometimes that's all I care about,and that's all I need.

But everytime, when this sometimes happen, I could only write about it to myself.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

freak out!!

Yes I'm going to freak out..
I have to make sure everything done by today.. EVERYTHING. I have two assignments to go. which is both hard.. After this have to send the receipts to the college and memorandum pelepasan also need to be sent.

And last night was a blast. There's a void here and there but I guess it acceptable since its our first event. Sharing Moment. ^__^ Will update more about it later because this just a quickie update.. heheh..

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

mimpi yang realistik.

Aku just nak cakap, mimpi yang ku mimpi semala so realistic. Selalunya kalau mimpi mesti ala2 Alice in the wonderland. Ni tak, macam dunia sebenar, lebih dramatik dan serius, kalau betul2 happened, ^__________________^ kan best... heheheh
Mimpi indah walaupun sebenarnya aku tengah mimpi aku bergaduh dengan seseorang. Tapi seperti biasa mimpi aku semuanya fairy-tale. Happy ending. Tu yang bahagia tu. Hahahaha.. dah3. jangan nak berangan.

Lupa nak ucap, Good Morninhg, y'all!
Selamat menjalani hari yang busy ini. hehe..

Its so fluffy I'm gonna die!!!!

I want to watch this T__T Why oh why Despicable me is hard to find. The good quality one..

Red eyes!! Don't look at my eyes. Serius. Don't look. You might get infected. When this week Ineeded to interact with lots of people, Sigh. What to do..

I have tons of meds..hahaha..

I officially have 3 projects. 2 design projects and one analysis project. WOW.. O.O

I have a slide and I need to clear up about catering thingy, plus a poster need to be done..

Doctor asked me to rest..

I found out that McD just finished the GCB stocks. I'm so frustrated!!

Basically I'm tired and full

It's SOOO FLLUUFFFEEHHH!!! XD I like this! d^__^b