Saturday, July 7, 2012


So... it's been a while. Busy with life is not the excuses this time around, it's just I don't really feel to write down my feelings anymore or share it with anyone. I rather keep it in myself. Anyway, I do miss blogging. Writing all stupid rants, letting other knows life in my perspective.. and one twitter post just have 150 characters, so it ends me hovering people's timeline with ranting and being emo. hahaha..

ok move on with an interesting hashtag from twitter: #masakecildulu
To be honest, I don't really have that exciting childhood. Most of the time, I study literally days and nights to keep the good grades. I don't go to sleepover, I don't really have many friends anyway. Since I have asthma, my play time restricted to spending time reading books in library or jalan2 at playground watching other kids having fun. Sounds depressing eh, but truly for me it didn't. Reading books is one way for me to escape from reality, so it's fun for me. And when I was a kid, I'm really introvert. I'm socially awkward even with my classmates, probably because I spent time reading books more than talking to friends.

I wasn't really girly to begin with, but not as boyish and rough as I am right now. I wore gowns and skirts on daily basis. From time to time, I changed from being shy and quiet to this rough girl. I have more boy friends than girls, I started to play sports, I learned boxing (O.O"), I don't wear dresses or skirts on regular basis, I have tons of t-shirts and jeans, I cut my hair short most of the time (when I was a kid, my hair is pretty long) and I act like a boy more than a refined girl should act. =.="

Honestly, I don't really quite sure what changed me. Maybe it comes naturally. One thing for sure, no matter how rough I look outside, I'm still a girl inside. I'm sensitive, I have mood swings, I'm a crybaby, what else, I screamed like a girl, I always have a lot of things in my mind and when I say it's nothing it probably means a lot of thing. And one critical thing, I like guys. Since I have a lot of guy friends, sometimes I did have a crush on them but I quickly brush it off. I really don't know why people around me being curious on my sexuality. Tons of girl out there are boyish and have a short hair and not all of them like girls. At first I was offended when they questioning it, but now I just answered it nonchalantly even make a jokes out of it.

Anyway, for this 22 years of my life, I changed a lot basically to fit in myself in certain environment and mostly to make myself somehow belong to this world.
This is me. hahaha. Just kidding, this is SobiSobi, the pet hamster.

This is me. Really.

No comments: